TIPS FOR BEING ASSERTIVE

• *EYE CONTACT – Make sure the person is more interesting than what is on the floor. Look at the person most of the time. But, do not stare at people 100 percent of the time.
  
  

• BODY POSTURE – Try to face the person. Stand or sit up tall. But, don't be a stiff board.
  
  

• *DISTANCE/PHYSICAL CONTACT – If you smell or feel the other person's breath, you are probably too close. Keep a comfortable distance.
  
  

• GESTURES – Use hand gestures to add to what you are saying, but remember that you are not conducting an orchestra.
  
  

• FACIAL EXPRESSIONS – Your face should match your emotion and what you are saying. Don't laugh when you are upset and don't have a frown when you are happy. A relaxed, pleasant face is best when you are happy. A relaxed, serious face is best when you are upset.
  
  

• *VOICE TONE, INFLECTION, VOLUME – When you are making an assertive message, you want to be heard. In order to be heard you have to pay attention to the tone of your voice (happy, whiny, upset), the inflection of your voice (emphasis on syllables), and volume of your voice (whisper to yell).
  
  

• FLUENCY – It is important to get out your words in an efficient manner. If a person stammers or rambles on, the listener gets bored.
  
  

• TIMING – When you are expressing negative feelings or making a request of someone, this is especially important. Seven days later may be too long. Doing it right on the spot in front of people may not be the right time to do it. Do it as soon as there is a time for both parties to resolve their issues alone.
  
  

• *LISTENING – An important part of assertiveness. If you are making statements that express your feelings without infringing on the rights of others, you need to give the other person a chance to respond.
  
  

• *CONTENT – What a person says is one of the most important parts of the assertive message. Depending on what a person is trying to accomplish, the content is going to be different.
  

Source: Alberti, R. E., & Emmons, M. L. (1982). Your Perfect Right: A guide to assertive living. San Luis Obispo, CA: Impact.

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